When I think back and remember the latter part of my active alcoholism and its impact on my family, more than anything else, I think of the extraordinary amount of time I spent trying to hide my drinking. It felt like I spent almost all my time either hiding the purchase of alcohol, hiding the […]

Alcohol is not my problem. It never was. My problem is me. Always has been and always will be. And the problem follows me wherever I go. I struggle to accept my imperfections or acknowledge that I make mistakes. I have trouble admitting that I am not the best at everything. When I was in […]

While driving to the coast recently, I was listening to Tara Brach’s book Radical Acceptance. Brach is known for encouraging her readers and listeners to face and walk through their fears and problems. It made me think of that night of my first AA meeting where I uttered the magic words for the first time. […]

At the start, it was a starburst of luminous warmth. It was fun, it was freeing, it was sophisticated. It was summer beers, sunset champagne toasts, French martinis and obscure Italian wines. I started drinking because it made me relaxed and connected and in love. I felt closer to people around me, to myself, to the […]

21 months into the pandemic, many lawyers are on the verge of collapse. In this latest edition of the Mindful Moment with Laura Mahr of Conscious Legal Minds, Laura takes us through a short exercise we can use to rewire our brains when the world does not feel OK. Link to the full article here.

Mid-November 2000 I was lying on a couch in my office with the lights out, hoping the room would stop spinning. It was around 8:30 am and I found myself in the same situation again: hung over at work and desperate. I was desperate not to have to go to court and act like everything […]

The judge said he hoped to see me on the other side of the bar in 5 years. I thought to myself: There’s no reason it should take me five years to pass the bar. After all, I had already been sober for about a year, and it had been almost 2 years since my […]

Welcome to Sidebar, brought to you by North Carolina’s Lawyer Assistance Program, where lawyers help lawyers by sharing their experience, strength, and hope as they delve into their personal journeys of recovery. We’ll initiate and guide the conversation with lawyers and judges, who will share stories, insights, lessons, and tools discovered along the way with […]