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Family

You have come to this page because you are either 1) a family member of a lawyer in distress, or 2) a lawyer who has a family member in distress. In either case, you are in the right place. You have come here seeking answers and guidance in dealing with someone else’s substance use, addiction or mental health issue. The LAP can help.

To the family member of a lawyer in distress:



It can be devastating to witness a loved one suffering as a result of alcohol or drug problems or a mental health issue. It can be even more devastating to witness that, for someone supposedly so smart, their seeming unwillingness to get help or make better choices in spite of your family’s love, anger, insistence and repeated confrontations and even assorted consequences that may be piling up in the lawyer’s life. The destructive path that lawyers, judges, and law students sometimes find themselves on can directly affect their family relationships and hurt their loved ones. As someone who spends time with them outside of their workplace, you know better than anyone the severity of their symptoms and the ripple effect their behavior is having in your home. You are here because you have reached a point of frustration, maybe even a breaking point, and want to know what to do and how best to help your loved one.

What can I do?

First and foremost, call the LAP. These illnesses and conditions affect the entire family and create dynamics within the family system that unwittingly perpetuate the illness. In order to best help your loved one, the LAP can guide you as to how to begin to stop the destructive cycle of disease within the family. The person afflicted with the illness often cannot begin a recovery process until the family has begun the recovery process and leads the way. There is not a quick fix or magic silver bullet. Recovery is a process, not an event.

What does the LAP do?

The LAP is a program of the NC State Bar. We have clinically trained staff and a statewide network of lawyer and judge volunteers who have recovered from these same conditions.

We help lawyers, judges and law students deal with and recover from a wide range of issues including, but not limited to, alcoholism, drug addiction, process addictions (like food, gambling or sex), depression and suicide, anger management, anxiety, stress and burnout, trauma, compassion fatigue, life balance, and grief and loss.

Our trained staff provides short-term counseling and crisis management, intervention assistance, assessments, referrals to outside resources (such as therapists and treatment centers), long-term aftercare case management and follow up, on-going support, or if you are a lawyer, a safe space to discuss your issues subject to the attorney-client privilege.

The LAP can refer you to interventionists and treatment resources appropriate for the lawyer. It is likely, however, that the reason you are visiting our website is that your repeated efforts to encourage the lawyer to get help have failed. The LAP can provide experienced guidance about how to interrupt the family cycle of the disease and can refer you and your family member to providers and community resources in your area that can help you while we focus our attention on helping the lawyer. The LAP can reach out to the lawyer in distress via our volunteer network and offer an opportunity to initiate recovery and receive support. If those attempts are not initially successful, it is imperative that you and the family continue in your own recovery efforts to increase the likelihood the lawyer might eventually find recovery. Many family members become exhausted trying to pick up all the balls the ill person is dropping, and it is natural to get angry and feel hopeless. Although no one can make someone else get well, it is profoundly possible that if we change the way we respond to the illness that it will cause the ill person to re-evaluate their choices as well. It generally requires that we get support to get clarity about what is REALLY helpful and what is unintentionally enabling an illness.

How do I know if I should contact the LAP?

It is important to note that the LAP is not a disciplinary organization and is in no way connected to the grievance process of the State Bar. Our services are 100% completely confidential and any issues that you reveal about the lawyer in distress are never reported to the discipline arm of the State Bar for any reason.

We offer support at all stages.

No issue is too big or too small. One of the primary goals of the LAP is to provide assistance to legal professionals before the problems of substance abuse, chemical addiction, and mental health become debilitating. Contacting the LAP before a problem escalates is one of the best investments you can make, whether you are a family member of a lawyer or a lawyer yourself. Contact the LAP today.

To the lawyer who has a family member in distress:



Lawyers are helpers and fixers by nature. We are trained and paid to see, analyze and solve other people’s problems. When confronted by a family member’s alcohol or drug problem or mental health issue, you probably assumed the same skills that have served you so well in your legal career would work to solve the family member’s problem. You may have even helped the family member with finances and legal matters (say with a DWI or other criminal charge) hoping that would resolve the difficulty – that your family member would surely have learned his or her lesson due to the consequences. But they have not. You are here because you have reached a point of frustration, maybe even a breaking point and want to know what to do and how best to help your loved one.

What can I do?

First and foremost, call the LAP. These illnesses and conditions affect the entire family and create dynamics within the family system that unwittingly perpetuate the illness. In order to best help your loved one, the LAP can guide you as to how to begin to stop the destructive cycle of disease within the family. The person afflicted with the illness often cannot begin a recovery process until the family has begun the recovery process and leads the way. There is not a quick fix or magic silver bullet. Recovery is a process, not an event.

What does the LAP do?

The LAP is a program of the NC State Bar. We have clinically trained staff and a statewide network of lawyer and judge volunteers who have recovered from these same conditions – many of whom have dealt with a family member’s addiction issue.

The LAP can refer you to interventionists and treatment resources appropriate for your family member. It is likely, however, that the reason you are visiting our website is that your repeated efforts to encourage your family member to get help have failed. We have lawyer volunteers who have been through what you are experiencing and who can help guide you towards solutions that worked for them. The LAP can provide experienced guidance about how to interrupt the family cycle of the disease and can refer you to providers and community resources in your area that can help you in the midst of this crisis. It is imperative that you continue in your own recovery efforts to increase the likelihood your family member might eventually find recovery. Many family members become exhausted trying to pick up all the balls the ill person is dropping, and it is natural to get angry and feel hopeless. Although no one can make someone else get well, it is profoundly possible that if we change the way we respond to the illness that it will cause the ill person to re-evaluate their choices as well. It generally requires that we get support to get clarity about what is REALLY helpful and what is unintentionally enabling an illness.

How do I know if I should contact the LAP?

It is important to know that the LAP provides comprehensive assistance for any issue you are facing as a result of your loved one’s impairment or distress. These family issues can have far reaching impacts. Many lawyers report that they have become so mentally preoccupied with trying to “solve” their loved one’s problem that they could not focus on work, causing their work to suffer. Sometimes lawyers wind up struggling with their own depression in response to these circumstances. In addition, because it is uncomfortable to share these details with friends and coworkers, lawyers in this situation can feel increasingly isolated. All of this can take a real toll and we do not want this situation to impair your ability to practice law. The LAP can provide you with the support you need to cope with the issue in a healthier way.

We offer support at all stages.

No issue is too big or too small. One of the primary goals of the LAP is to provide assistance to legal professionals before the problems of substance abuse, chemical addiction, and mental health become debilitating. Contacting the LAP before a problem escalates is one of the best investments you can make, whether you are a family member of a lawyer or a lawyer yourself. Contact the LAP today.