Practice Perspective

I used to be a litigator. Moments of truth uncovered when cross-examining a witness gave me intense pleasure. Catching an adverse witness in a lie is the best – IYKYK. Truth seeking applied to myself – taking my own inventory as we in AA say – has been a varied experience. Sometimes it stings. In the long term, it’s great work.

Elvis Costello’s song The Big Light was popular when I took my first written personal inventory as part of my journey through the twelve steps. The lyrics epitomize life as a drinker facing the morning light; the debauchery of the night before staring back in the mirror. I loved blasting the song on my way to and from meetings. Living without the humiliation of the ‘morning after’ was and is bliss.

My first inventory – step four of AA’s twelve steps – shed light on deeper truths about myself and became a catalyst for change. The desire to drink has not returned and I feel useful, I have peace of mind. However, sometimes dealing with myself, my shortcomings, my reactions to life, has been a lot. So, I continue to practice self-inventory – step ten of AA’s twelve steps – and seek growth.

Recently, a sponsee and I met to discuss comments she’d made to an acquaintance that caused offense. My sponsee uncovered a blind spot – what she had thought was helpful and felt compelled to share with the acquaintance was intrusive and unwelcome. Now she has an understanding and a sense of direction in how to proceed. The Big Light fell on me, too. I had a similar blind spot – I had been having problems in a couple of work relationships because of it. Ouch, but good to know.