Powerlessness

Recognition of my powerlessness has been a key concept in weathering difficult times.  In AA I learned I was powerless over alcohol.  Later, in Al-Anon I learned I was powerless over people, places, and things. I needed repeated opportunities over the years to really “get” what powerlessness was really about.

What a paradox.  I have to accept being powerless in order to have power.  “Huh?” The Serenity Prayer holds the key.  “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” Today that well-used concept is helping me stay sane.  There is not one thing I can do about COVID19. I can’t see it. I can’t brush it away. I don’t know where it is or what it’s doing.

“The courage to change the things I can…and the wisdom to know the difference”….that’s me. I have power over the way I respond.  I can go nuts with anxiety or depression. Or I can accept “what is,” knowing that this too shall pass and follow the guidelines, even when I don’t like them. I am responsible for the actions, not the outcomes.

I’m an older attorney, in a high risk category. It may sound strange, but I am at peace with all outcomes. It’s OK if I get sick. As simple as it sounds, I either will get sick or I won’t. If I do, I will follow instructions and do all I can to recover. And I either will recover or I won’t. It seems odd to me that it’s OK if I die; it’s OK if I live. I’m powerless over those outcomes and can just take life as it is one day at a time, and I’m very OK with that.