I was excited the day I signed the loan paperwork for law school. I was nine months sober and felt invincible. Then, after my first semester of law school, I was not so sure. I ignored my reservations because I was afraid to be viewed as a quitter, and the debt trap was already set.

After passing the bar exam, I hoped for the best and accepted a job with a top-notch firm. I worked hard and developed a great reputation as a trial lawyer. And yet, every day I dreaded getting out of bed and going to work. To me, losing equaled worthlessness, and in my mind, the only solution was to always win. I also opened my own practice in order to earn more than anyone was willing to pay me. My business did well, but no dollar was guaranteed, and I wondered every month if I could pay the bills. I had a family to support.

I felt trapped. This pressure caused me to relapse twice in recovery; once at six years and again at four years. Because of my relapses, both my sponsor and my therapist suggested I leave litigation – not law, but litigation.

I finally fully surrendered to the fact that litigation was not good for my sobriety, despite the fact I excelled at it. One day, I got down on my knees and told God to give me an out and I would take it. I said, “Make it so clear, even I cannot miss it. Hit me over the head with a two-by-four, God.” Within a week, I got the answer.

I had applied for a litigation position in a state where I was not even licensed yet. Something had told me to apply for the position even though it made no sense. As part of the interviewing process, I had to take an extensive personality test, and the results caused the firm to offer me a different job. The new job was a non-litigation management position that sounded like something I would do for free. The pay and benefits package exceeded my expectations. I am so thankful I did not quit “five minutes before the miracle,” as they say in twelve-step recovery.

If you are interested in contributing your own story to the Sidebar, click here. The Sidebar is supported by the stories of our readers, and we appreciate your contributions.